The Fool

“The future is called 'perhaps', which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to allow that to scare you.” -Tennessee Williams

I have struggled to begin again with this blog. If I give myself too much time to ponder, I will ponder myself into an abyss and the only thing that gets accomplished is emotional snacking and TikTok scrolling. And yes, that is what I have done. Frozen by political news, frozen by too many what ifs, and I am here to say, “fuck it, we're jumping into the Major Arcana. I am going to write this blog on my phone, I am going to get this done without all my little rituals, just fucking write it.“

When everything is scary and every option seems wrong, I dare us to step into the energy of The Fool. Or as many of us like to consider the card to be our protagonist of the hero's journey. So, stop grinding those teeth together, relax your leg and let’s journey. I have been the fool many times, I am built for new beginnings and I would like to be a guide for anyone seeking change but too afraid of the decisions, the projections, outcomes, and all of those ponderings that we use to avoid concretizing our dreams into reality.

The Fool isn’t afraid to look stupid. And often the circumstances in which the Fool begins their journey can be so harsh or discombobulated that the Fool has no time to consider how they’re being perceived. They only have energy to act, not doubt themselves or listen to people that would plant seeds of doubt. The Fool is forward moving energy, not like the Chariot, because that had specific direction, but more like forward moving into the unknown.

Don’t misunderstand me, The Fool is not a beacon of bravery that is a vehicle for success, oftentimes The Fool is just a fool. Therein lies our urgency back to doubt at the first jilt of uncertainty or embarrassment. We can’t know for certain of any outcome because the future is mutable as time isn’t linear. So spend all the money you want on readings, buy every tarot deck, but you must take an action. If you don’t know what action to take, ask your guides to give you clear and specific signs, ask a mentor, do a pros and cons, look at your finances, be real with yourself.

I have moved to four different states and I don’t feel ready to stop. I have started different career paths, worked hard at them and let them go, I have loved many and let them go when the time came to do so. I have a lot of Gemini and Capricorn in my chart. If something doesn’t make sense anymore, I’m out. That’s honestly the first step for me in every major life decision. “Is where I am at a logical place for me to be with this little life I have?”

The Fool is the courage to make the first step, next in line is the Magician where you employ all of your skills and knowledge. So if you’re starting your career over, how does this new field relate to what you’re leaving? How are you ahead of the curve with your attained knowledge and experience?

It always pisses me off as a 35 year old returning college student that I am treated like an anomaly when that is not even factual. Lots of people change their career in their 30’s. Because it’s irresponsible to assume 17 year olds have their life purpose sorted out. But for capitalism purposes, they’d like us well trained and useful by age 22. Fuck that noise, this is our life. Use it like you don't get another one.

The photo I picked for this blog is me and Perry at the corner of Eleanor and Leticoe in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Drew and I were about to move to Arkansas! I had no idea how much my life would change from that moment on, all I knew is that I was ready for warmer weather and waterfalls. I wanted to strengthen my spirituality and my Reiki skills and Arkansas called! We loaded up our car and our animals and made the journey.

I did not know the roller coaster that life would take us on shortly after this photo was taken. Theft, deaths, fake friends, real friends, death doulas, self-employment, becoming wild, screaming at the moon, struggles with booze and psychedelics and really finding out who the fuck we are. We are different people now than we were in 2021 when we made the decision to live in Arkansas. Would we have still made the decision? I don’t know, that’s why knowing the outcome isn’t always helpful. But you have to make a decision and then do your best with that decision.

I will explore that journey through this blog section on the Major Arcana. I hope it gives you courage and even more I hope it gives you the gumption that you need to live your best life!

Blessed be my fools.

Princess of Pentacles

“YOU must wake and call me early, call me early, mother dear;

To-morrow ’ll be the happiest time of all the glad new-year,—

Of all the glad new-year, mother, the maddest, merriest day;

For I ’m to be Queen o’ the May, mother, I ’m to be Queen o’ the May.”

“The May Queen,” by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Now as I paste this piece of poetry representing the cycles of life from a Victorian perspective, I am aware that it is not yet May, but it is April 1st and I have no intention of pranking you, dear reader. My only intention today is to discuss the Page of Pentacles as represented by the May Queen, the protagonist of Midsommar, Dani! I’ve never been good at pranks, and honestly as I type this the wind is blowing with the screams of Banshees being carried throughout the land! I find that the Spring time in Kansas has always felt the most reminiscent of the Luteal phase in the menstrual cycle. Mercurial, windy, there’s property damage, and we’re happy when it finally rains. So, with the precarious nature afoot I do not feel the need for extra challenges.

If you have not seen Midsommar yet, and you hate spoilers, please skip reading this blog entry. The Page of Pentacles, or in my fashion, the Princess of Pentacles, it denotes a time of discovery or growth in the material realm. Pages represent new starts, messages and curiosity. And Pentacles represent things of the earth and the mundane like finances, jobs, education, home, and sense of stability. So when we combine these elements we are talking about maybe being a new student, starting a career, going to a witchcraft class, starting a new style of burlesque, learning to do your own taxes, you get the gist.

So why Dani? Well, Dani is a student, she is young and impressionable. In the beginning the movie starts off strong with her sister killing herself and their family, Dani is orphaned and alone. So her only community is her boyfriend that is about to dump her. We could look at this situation as a reversed Page of Pentacles where a newbie’s sense of balance is thrown off because their entire foundation is ripped out from under them and they have no stability. So she leans on this boyfriend, Christian and to be fair, he feels really bad for her, so she ends up going with him and his friends to Sweden for research. Their friend Pelle is from this area and allows a great way for one of the friends of Christian to gain their thesis information. Dani is invited to come with the young men to the Swedish community of Pelle’s origin.

While the group of college students explore the land and meet the members of the group (which we learn are definitely a cult), social norms are explored, and our students and other visitors are horrified at some of the customs of Pelle’s people. They are there for the Midsummer rituals of this group which includes human sacrifice and taking psychedelics and then later we find out, breeding rituals! Dani and Christian are approached to take part in breeding with the cult to prevent incest but they are horrified by the rituals they have witnessed and some of their friends are missing.

To back up a bit, many critiques of this film like to focus on the relationship between Dani and Christian, and they call this a break up story. I find that to be reductive and irresponsible by review writers because it negates the very real threat of the cult mentality that finds people like Dani that have lost everything and seek community at all costs. To me this is not a feminist movie or a break up movie. This movie is about desperation of the human spirit to survive, we are a communal species, without each other we have a lower chance of survival. I would also like to posit, we are in a time in the United States where we are determining the value of community and where we fit going forward in the midst of the destruction of our bureaucratic systems by this administration. No one is coming to save us, only we can save us. And Dani has been saved by this cult.

Not only is she treated better than her male counterparts, she doesn’t end up skinned. They make her the damn May Queen! She goes from being the most tragic character to becoming a hero of the story. (I use hero very loosely here) The cult sees her as a hero because she makes the final decision on which individual will be sacrificed for their purposes. Rather than choose one of their loved ones to burn, she chooses her boyfriend Christian to burn alive for the prosperity of the cult. That had to be a great relief to them that they didn’t have to lose anymore of their loved ones, but instead an arrogant outsider can die.

Dani’s smile in the end of the movie, as she watches the fire, has been meme-ified to depict a woman being proud of watching her emotionally neglectful and unfaithful boyfriend burn alive. I forgot to mention, Christian does get it on in a breeding ritual and Dani sees him do it. But I don’t believe that the smile has anything to do with her being happy that it was her choice to kill Christian. First of all, she is in psychosis, brought on by trauma, exhaustion and psychedelics. Second of all, had she chosen one of their family members to burn, she could have been killed. Third of all, the made her the May Queen! She feels seen and chosen, that is all that she has wanted throughout this entire story, and we feel that agony and yearning right along with her. I find that we as the audience can even displace our anger and sadness onto Christian, who is really just an immature guy with privilege and not a lot of access to empathy. We can rejoice in his character getting killed as if it brings us closer to fulfillment with one less lying asshole on the planet. Could be. But I reject the men’s rights activist point of view that this a shallow man-hater movie.

This story is about the fragility of life. The Page of Pentacles reversed can be an incredibly fragile time for a person. Imagine being new to your career and it’s just not working out. Or getting married and on your honeymoon you find out that your spouse has been hiding atrocious parts of their personality. The entire Midsommar movie, we are in Dani’s reversal moment. It is at the very end, the smile, that we are now upright.

Though the movie ends at that point, we are invited to imagine her new life. We can have high hopes that she will be treated like family and will find her community with these people. But we can also fear for what her future could be, they’re just using her for her female parts and they will cast her aside once they are done. I do not believe the latter because in the first sacrifice ritual, the older woman that dies, is Dani. Watch it again, take a look closely, it is foreshadowing her future. She will grow old with them as a respected member. But the conditions will be that she follows their rules to the death.

The Princess of Pentacles portion is that she is ripped out of her old life, no roots to cling and is thrust into this brand new existence and all that is has to offer her! My question to you, would you take this opportunity?

I’m going to wrap this up, lunch is ready and I have to get ready for work. Spring is raging outside and I am so ready for May.

Princess of Swords

When sharp weapons and villainy are afoot, who better to deal with it than a teenaged babysitter? Wait, what? The 70’s were wild. For my next Princess of horror and Page of Swords, I have chosen Laurie Strode from the 1978 Halloween. Not only is this one of my favorite “final girls,” but I also have a Halloween burlesque number. The score, the mask, the shape, it is unforgettable slasher goodness. I always think of Michael Myers as being like a shark, he’s just moving through the world consuming, but instead of eating, he’s just getting all stabby stabby on everyone. And while the franchise is fun, I really prefer the lore of the first movie. I prefer to not understand his motivations, because to be honest, I think we care too much about the mind of a serial killer and not enough about the mindset of the people that survive them.

This brings me to our young Laurie, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, daughter of Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh, she is an actress, producer, and apparently a children’s book writer. Laurie is our protagonist and we meet her in the beginning of the movie walking home with her friends. We immediately get the gist that Laurie is the brainy one of the group and the most responsible. It’s Halloween and they all want to hang out with their boyfriends except for Laurie, she doesn’t have a boyfriend but she does notice the shape by the bushes! No one else notices, they’re all very preoccupied with their night time plans. That is Page of Swords energy, and put a pin in that, its important.

Fast forward, it’s night time, the kids have all done their trick or treating, which is a little disappointing that in a Halloween movie, we don’t get to see anyone trick or treat. But it’s the 70’s, we must hastily get to the teen sex scenes and stabby stabby monster fuckery! Laurie ends up babysitting alone while her friends hook up, and then in good 1900’s fashion, the phones and the electricity are unavailable and Laurie is trying to figure out what is going on with her friends.

Meanwhile all of this is going on, we have our monster back story getting filled in by his psychiatrist Dr. Loomis. Michael Myers has broken out of the psych ward! He hasn’t been out in the free world since he was a little boy, it was Halloween and he saw his older sister naked, with the assumption she had sex prior and he stabbed her to death. The doctors have tried for years to understand a motive, all they can come up with is, “evil, pure evil.” MMhmm. Anyway, the lore changes in every movie, but like I said, I like the simplicity of our murderer’s mindset, it keeps us from putting ‘ol crazy jumpsuit thief man on a pedestal. Michael Myers is just out of the hospital, and he’s on a killing rampage. He makes eyes at Laurie while she’s walking home with her friends and he decides that she is his target. Shit. Hate when that happens.

Laurie is babysitting, her friends are drinking, hooking up, doing laundry and getting murdered and Laurie isn’t hearing from anybody so she goes to investigate after the kids get put to bed. That’s when the scary stuff goes down. She goes to the house across the street and finds her friends dead and Michael creeps out of the darkness to stab Laurie! But despite every one of his attempts to stab her, she slips away from his grimy clutches. He chases her with a kitchen knife while he breaths so uncomfortably, it’s such a zesty ASMR effect. But for me, doing a burlesque number in that mask, it is really a test in breathing technique to keep it on the whole time. So I stan the beast that walks all night in that get up. (Obviously in a fantastical, romanticized way. I’m not into a real life Michael Myers.)

Much like the Page of Swords, Laurie is young and she is quick witted. Swords are associated with air and thoughts, Michael wields that giant knife through the air and Laurie ducks it every time. Michael serves as a message too that Laurie’s childhood is ending and that her life will have deeper meaning than she ever thought it would have. She is a fighter, a survivor and a defender of tiny trick or treaters. And we also get to see her humanity when she is hiding and she’s trying not to cry from fear. I don’t know if you dear reader have ever been that afraid that you uncontrollably weep, but I have been that scared and I always wondered if Jamie Lee Curtis had experienced that feeling before she acted it out. It was very real. And when we’re that afraid, sometimes our survival skills don’t cooperate with us, but in Laurie’s case they do, because though she is terrified she is still able to think clearly enough to unbend a hanger and stab our villain in the eye so she can escape him again.

She runs back to the house and children she was babysitting and the shape follows her. That’s when after all the dodging, fighting, and eye gouging, Dr. Loomis, Michael’s psychiatrist finally shows up and shoots Michael. He falls down to the ground from the balcony and we assume he dies, but dun dun dun… He’s not! Thus tossing Laurie into a life time of wondering when he will return to finish the job, but she knows that when he does return she’ll be ready.

Though this side of Laurie is new to her, what is not new is her ability and desire to be quick witted and prepared. Much like the Page of Swords, Laurie knows that she is young and that life is something she is curious about and ready to understand how to tackle it. I think that is what we can contribute to her knack for survival, it’s not that she’s a virgin that doesn’t enjoy beer, she just has other priorities. Her friends may be the Page of Swords reversed because they can be a bit pig headed, foolish and sometimes just mean. But they certainly didn’t deserve to get murdered for being normal teenagers. And if you pull a reversed Page of Swords it doesn’t mean that you need to be punished for being short sighted or anxious or whatever impedes your process, it just means you should take a moment and rethink the situation. Make sure you’re seeing all of the angles, and most importantly if you’re going to have a night of sex and beer drinking that you lock your doors and windows so envious weirdos in Captain Kirk masks don’t ruin it.

Writing these past three blogs is really making me crave Halloween and it’s just the first day of Spring. Maybe I just want this year to be over because the horrors are real and the killers don’t have to wear masks, they have funding and cult support. Shit. Let’s all be a little more like Laurie and learn to fight, learn when to run and keep your head on a swivel.

Blessed be, babes.

Princess of Cups

Onward we go discovering the Princesses!….with a splash of horror. This character is what inspired me to write the Pages as Princesses of horror this week. Ever since I saw this movie, I cannot get her out of my head. Who is this indomitable force clinging to my heart and mind? None other than Pearl. Played by Mia Goth, this 2022 horror film was directed by Ti West and they co-wrote the script with Mia Goth and it is the second installment to a three part series. No, I have not seen the first movie X, but I am definitely going to watch it. MaXXXine is the third movie in the series featuring this character. But I specifically want to talk about Pearl.

Pearl is stuck in rural Texas in 1918 living with her German immigrant parents while her husband is in WW1. It kinda seems like they got married really quickly and then he was gone just as quick. However like I said, I have not seen the first installment, so I may be missing some backstory on their relationship. Nevertheless, Pearl, our main character is a very charismatic young woman that dreams of a life more thrilling than what she has been dealt. She helps her dour and soured mom out on the farm and then also has to help take care of her dad. We assume he has the Spanish Flu and can no longer care for himself, or speak.

We see Pearl living through her imagination as she yearns for a sweeter existence. It’s almost as if she was dropped into her life from a different realm. A realm of happy fairies with an entirely different motivation than the humans of the twentieth century. She does not understand why life has to be so hard and she refuses to accept this, why? Because she’s a star dammit! And she feels very deeply! She knows that something out there, some dream life of gargantuan proportions is just around the corner. If only she could just find her way out.

And boom, an audition! An audition for dancers comes to town and Pearl jumps right at the opportunity. She knows she can get in, she’s talented, she’s engaging and there’s no other way. In the midst of this audition news, Pearl has found a guy in town to crush on. Which is what leads me to believe that her and her husband probably didn’t know each other very long to really cement their bond, and they’re probably so young, their depth of love is just absent in this movie. So she falls for the hot projectionist, who is also kind of a slimeball in my opinion. Giving a very “well actually I did have a mustache tattoo on my finger and I did actually love Mumford and Sons,” and will give you pubic lice and blame it on a toilet kind of vibes. But Pearl doesn’t know any better and she’s bored out of her mind. So she’s banging an artsy guy and she’s getting ready for her audition that will take her away to be a star once and for all! This is her Princess of Cups chance, her moment!

We get our hopes up just as much as she does, because shit is bleak for our screen queen. But brace yourself, if you have no watched this movie, stop now, spoilers are coming hard and fast as it relates heavy to the tarot card. I’m warning you, turn back now, you’ll blow it.

Alright, so, Pearl does not get the part in the dance company, she also kills everyone. The end. I told you, the spoilers were coming hard and fast. Just like this movie, it honestly keeps you on your toes the whole time. Yearning and hoping and then being horrified. Pearl is the perfect personification for the Page of Cups. She is intuitive, creative and emotional. We know that she has the talent and the drive to be the star she proclaims to be, but life isn’t fair. And those of us that have walked the NYC subway can tell you that the most talented musicians in the world are down there playing for dollars. Life is not fair. And this movie is a gut punch.

But we also know that Pearl, in all her charisma and drive, she is also a total maniac. That is the reversal of this card. Someone that is emotionally immature and acting way out of pocket. You didn’t get your part? So you kill people? Of course. Now this is an extreme point of view, but when you pull this card and it’s reversed and it is in relation to you asking about a fight with a lover, one of you needs to grow up a little bit. Or if you were criticized at work, maybe your boss is a weiner, or you need to step it up and stop blaming everyone else for your shortcomings. Wow, I am not trying to attack anyone here, see, this movie gets me in my feelings. How very “cups” of me.

Pages are associated with emotional maturity, and I think that is the part of our human evolution. I do not believe that we are in a spiritual war, as New Agers and Christians say, that’s not how I see it, we are fighting for empathy and the freedom to express a full range of emotion. And to understand what we are expressing rather than finding ourselves through projections. As Maya Angelou said,

“I am convinced that most people do not grow up. We find parking spaces and honor our credit cards. We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are still innocent and shy as magnolias.

We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do.”

And on that note, I leave you with this. Yearning is a bitch, but I think to deny our true will is a betrayal to our spirit. And that’s why I made a huge pan of Pad kee mao, and I will indulge in a noodle fantasia. Blessed be darlings.

Princess of Wands

“Wouldst Thou Like to Live Deliciously?”

Alright, I realize it’s been a couple of weeks, but March is kicking my ass in the motivation department. But like all women with ADHD and a flair for writing, I need a pivot, a refreshing take, and also a kick in the ass. And to be honest, I am having a hard time connecting with the Pages so I have decided to do what other readers do and I’m calling them princesses. And also, I am using women from horror movies to explain them. There it is, that’s my inspiration! If you don’t like horror you might want to skip these four blog posts.

My first horror gal, to represent the Princess of Wands is Thomasin from The VVitch. If you have not seen the movie and don’t want any spoilers, please skip this blog! Don’t read any further!! I won’t be responsible for pouts after the ending is spoiled for you. Okay, now that we’re all on the same page, let me proceed.

Thomasin’s family is uber religious in the Calvinist Christian way and of course, they are too religious even for the church folk in town. So dad decides to move the whole family out to the woods, so they can hack it out there without any lukewarm Christians to harsh their Bible thumping vibes. And wouldn’t you know it, there’s some freaky supernatural shit going down in those woods and these terrified, uppity colonizers can only become hysterical as they run out of food and hope.

Now Thomasin is the oldest child and she is pretty much done with puberty and is young woman. We know that this era of humans with a penchant towards fire and brimstone theology don’t fair well with the newly minted grown female humans. So her mom is looking cross-eyed at her and blaming her for everything that goes wrong, are we surprised? The other children are very annoying. But they play with this goat named Black Phillip, the icon. Thomasin starts saying things like, “When I sleep, my spirit slips away and dances naked with the devil.” Now we can assume that she is probably 14 or 15 years old and is saying this stuff to antagonize her very annoying younger siblings, or we can go the more esoteric route and assume that she is receiving these messages psychically. And we can assume that she is developing her powers, and so maybe paranoid, over worked and sucked dry Mother of Thomasin is correct in her deduction of who is to blame for their downfall. Her own daugher… A witch!

Now this brings me to the Page of Wands, or if you like, Princess of Wands. Pages would bring messages, they are also associated with being a beginner, an apprentice. Thomasin would be a Page of Wands in this case because she is a brand new witch, she is receiving messages from the coven in the woods that stalk her family, and she is stricken with this desire and willfulness to break away from her family. Many horror movies use this pubescent, post pubescent trope of young women, we go through puberty and we become possessed, or we want to kill, or we are easily influenced. And you could choose to see that with this story as well. But personally I find this story a little more nuanced and I enjoy how she makes her own choices in the end.

When I first watched this movie, I was afraid that she would end up running through the woods escaping some banshees, or she would be overtly sexualized. But to my surprise, the ending was delightful! Basically her whole family gets taken out, and it’s okay, they were really out of pocket with how they were treating her. But Black Phillip ends up being able to speak! And the annoying little siblings said they were talking to him, but we just shake that off, because they’re annoying. But in the end, he was speaking to them and he speaks to Thomasin and asks her if she wants to join up with the devil and the witches! We have the iconic line, “Wouldst thou like the taste of butter? A pretty dress? Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?

And just like that, Thomasin joins the witches in the woods that killed her family and she floats up in the sky around the bonfire, skyclad. Once we see the ending, we can go back to the beginning to wonder if Thomasin had actually been receiving these messages of personal freedom, magic, and being willful with no human consequence. Or did she just luck out? How can we apply this tarot card to our own experiences? At the beginning of this blog post I described not having any motivation, nothing to light up my fingers to type like a mad woman in the night. And that my friends, is the Page of Wands reversed. No fire, no passion or enthusiasm, much like how young Thomasin was feeling when her insane parents took her out of the town and into a tiny house in the woods to live. Can you imagine being a teenager and not having any crushes to flirt with or friends to giggle with like a maniac? Tragic. We cannot blame the teenage girl for her choice to run off with the witches in the woods. Her parents had it coming and this was a happy ending!

I hope you enjoyed this take, I will keep it coming. Thank you reader for engaging with my work.

Blessed be.

Knight of Wands

Oh how I want so badly, everything, right now. Dearest reader, I have been listless all week long and quite frankly I am so tired of feeling like I have a million things that need to get accomplished yet I have zero motivation to do any of it. So, let me guide us through another read along meditation to find our Knight of Wands.

We are walking down a sidewalk, the sun is out and there are bushes, trees, children and life happening all around us as we take our stroll down the block. We decided to leave the house because we were quickly turning into mold in the dark rooms of our cozy abode. So we drank a glass of water, put on our sneakers and headed out to get some life back into our old bones. But as we walk we feel the stiffness in our feet and our legs, they don’t really want to let the hips loose. We stop at a driveway with sidewalk chalk drawings and jump ropes laying around. The chalk says, “Go ahead and jump!” So we pick up the neon colored jump rope in our hand, we look down at it and feel a jolt of nostalgia. “When did I last hold one of these handles in my hand?” You wonder. The first couple of times you try to jump, the rope gets caught. Your feet just don’t want to get any air today. You keep trying. “Dammit!” You keep hitting your legs, and then at one point you trip and almost fall down. Your face fills up with blood and fury. So you stomp your feet and throw the stupid jump rope across the lawn. You let out a shriek and kick at the air. When your foot comes back down to the pavement you feel a buzz in your ankle and think, “great, what did I do now?” But you take another stomp, and it kind of feels good slapping your foot on the pavement, so you do it again. And you keep slapping your feet on the pavement and then you start to jog in place! You can feel your hips loosening up, so you kick your legs up in the air one at a time pretending to be a rockette. And that feels so good you start doing jumping jacks. You jump and jump and now you’re breathless. So you lean over to catch your breath and you see the jump rope handle out of the corner of your eye. You think about how you’re always so hard on yourself, you can probably jump rope now with ease since you are warmed up. You walk over and grab the jump rope and of course, you are jumping with ease, you do about twenty before you feel the blood rushing to your calves and you decide that you’ve proven enough to yourself today. We decide to move on with our walk and you are feeling quite accomplished, maybe tomorrow you will leave an activity in the driveway for strangers to enjoy. We decide to stop by a beautiful oak tree, and we notice a little pink rock on the grass, someone has painted it. On one side it’s pink with a darker pink crystal painted, and on the back it’s written, “Sit down here and find your inspiration today.” So we decide to sit, hoping this isn’t a prank to get squirted with water guns by the neighborhood kids. We sit down and lean against the tree. Pretty soon we start to gaze up at the branches above our heads with the sun spraying us with rays in shattered bursts. We fall asleep until the sun goes down and we wake up just as the last bit of light is leaving. You walk with me back to your house and that is where I leave you to go back home, to sleep a good night’s sleep.

Now, if you are still with me, I understand that we didn’t seek out to accomplish anything in particular. We are not decoding a pail of skeleton keys left by the road, or going up the a cottage door with a hearth covered in trinkets. But what my meditation seeks to do is to have you feel warmth. Wands are associated with fire, inspiration, passion, not just intellectualizing life, but feeling it and being present. All of the Knights are fiery in their nature, but the Knight of Wands is particularly actionable. But we can’t take action if we are not in our bodies, if we are not willing to be part of our human time, so stomping the feet allows an easy way to get back into the body. Sitting under sun rays can help us feel our muscles contract delightfully in the summer time ease. We are alive!

The Knight of Wands asks us to feel our pleasures with tenacity, don’t sleep on this life. However, when the Knight of Wands is leading us to haphazardly we can find that we are being impulsive or arrogant in our pursuits. Grounding and centering is helpful when we pull this card. This energy can also feel like the five year old that wants to open their birthday presents right now, instead of on their birthday. Or the feeling of disregarding the debt you’re in, and using a credit card to pay for a last minute trip to Jamaica instead of being kinder to your future self that will have to pay that balance plus interest.

This card can lead us into some of our most glorious sex-capades, road trips, whiskey dives, and jobs that become canon events of passionate lore. It takes us out of our anxious thoughts and into our deep belly of desire for life. Whoever you are, I hope that even as the world turns and repressive thought forms try to rule the masses, you are worthy of a life well lived. Blessed be.

Photo is from The Muse Tarot by Chris-Anne

Knight of Swords

It’s the 1st of March and the sun has been shining all week, it’s beautiful, but in our political world times are rough to say the least. I don’t know about you reader, but my spirit is exhausted, it took me a lot to muster up the motivation to set my ritual to write this blog tonight. I’ve said it a few times already throughout this series, but uncertainty is painful, not only is it painful but it is mentally and emotionally exhausting. There are thousands of people losing their jobs, thousands including myself that may be losing access to financial aid for college, many many people are losing access to life saving programs and so much more.

I have been hesitant to even talk about the Knights right now because I feel like my world is being held captive by the quick and deadly individuals that are allowed to hold power. And quite frankly, that energy is pissing me off. But I guess what better time to talk about Sword and Knight energy? We watched our President and Vice President corner, condescend to and disappoint another leader that is doing everything they can to save their country from getting taken over, and our leaders chattered like petulant high school children. Quick and rash things were said in a display of dominance that will have consequences for all of us, I hope those that chose to vote for the “strong man” and gender roles are happy with their decisions.

Big sigh…. The Knight of Swords can be a positive card, it has the energy of the friend or lover that tells you to quit your dead end job and start your own business. Or that could be you having those thoughts yourself and you are about to start slashing things from your life to make your goals more accessible. Let’s take this into a burlesque scenario, because burlesque is something that makes my depression demons take a seat on a lemon juice and pucker down a few notches. (That was wild, but I’m sleepy and the Holy Basil tea is kicking in.) When we, as burlesque performers are trying to upgrade our costumes, we have a tendency to sell old pieces or upgrade them if it’s possible. Upgrading our costumes is something we are doing in hopes of booking better paying gigs, or being able to tell our story a little more clearly. But not all of us can just buy the costumes or props willy nilly, so we need to sell things, move things out of our space, move on.

Sometimes when we cut out shoes, hula hoops, skin suits, ripped latex skirts, mismatched rhinestones, and bras that don’t fit anymore, we are able to see what we have that works. We can see the potential a little more clearly in a costume, and the story unfolds. The Knight of Swords helps give us the swift Airy energy to get rid of the things clogging up our efforts. And then it is the energy that gives us the courage to upgrade our look, it is the energy that taps into glamour magick putting us into the view of the eyes we want to catch. Air is expressive so when we draw this card it is asking us to take action in an expressive way!

When we get turned down for a festival, we can use the energy of this card to ask a mentor to help us improve, we can pay for a class, or take a trip to see performers in another city to get inspired. I pulled The Fool tonight along with the Knight of Swords, and my interpretation of those two together is that yes, you’re going to probably screw up, but it’s important that you take steps to forge your own path. That is my goal in life currently and it’s not easy. I’ve worked really hard for other people my entire adult life, I have too quickly given over intellectual property to those that abused my nature and those things give me pause to run with my own wolves. But what kind of witch would I be if I didn’t start using divination to start testing new connections? We live, we learn, we cast those circles.

Don’t forget to cast this week, keep doing your energy work, keep making your teas and elixirs and most of all don’t let your spirit get brought down by things you can’t control. We are all in this and we will keep fighting for a better world for all. Blessed be.

Photo from The Moon Dust Tarot by Florance Saul

Knight of Pentacles

“You’re going to have to utilize a spreadsheet…. And I’m very sorry.” I told my tarot client today when they wanted advice on how to balance their passions and those that are wanting to help them bring their vision into fruition. They did not want to hear that they will have to organize their creative ideas and attachments to the people in their life in a cost/benefits sheet to avoid being overwhelmed by their new business venture. But like I told them, we are not bad people for using systems to create balance and equity when allocating resources, especially when what we are doing is creating for our community, something that everyone can benefit from!

What does this have to do with the Knight of Pentacles? Well this card represents the slow and steady that we have to maintain to reach our goals. And yes, I’m sorry it has to be that way. From the discussion in my Sociology class tonight, social media has really done a harmful number on our psyche when it comes to chasing dreams. We get major FOMO and feel like we aren’t achieving quickly enough or making a big enough mark. We are wondering, “why does that burlesque performer get booked and not me? Why does she get to the go to the beach and not me? Why did that person get to house sit for a celebrity in the mountains and not me? What am I doing so wrong in my life?” And then we scramble, make hasty decisions, quit.

The Knight of Pentacles is not creative, but they are steadfast, unwavering in their pursuit, and for us creatives, especially creatives with ADHD, this concept is brutal. Even for me, writing this blog, I don’t always want to do it, but I know I absolutely must finish it. That’s why I changed the name from “Daily Tarot for the Creative,” to “Kinda Daily Tarot for the Creative.” For one, I have a sense of humor (most of the time) about my ADHD, but also I can be realistic with my expectations of myself. (Not without a lot of shadow work.)

I DO NOT WANT TO DO THE SAME THING CONSISTENTLY, DAY IN AND DAY OUT. Okay, so, you’re not alone if you feel this way. But when we are chasing a goal, we have to work at this every single day, even if it’s just twenty minutes. When I first wanted to get into bodybuilding (ages ago) my trainer said she trains every day and has for decades. And when she doesn’t feel like it, she still does something for at least twenty minutes. Because that’s feeding your goal energy. You can think of your goal as an egregore, and you can feed that spirit the energy daily.

Sometimes when we draw the Knight of Pentacles it’s because we are being too steadfast and not injecting enough heart and soul into our project, this meaning would depend on other cards and results you are seeing in your life. But like I said, this card does not denote creativity or flair, it’s just consistency. When it is reversed, you may need to create a plan and STICK TO IT, have someone help you stay consistent if you can. Or create little treats for yourself when you complete a task. My mom would buy herself a new pen whenever she completed a task she really did not want to do. It’s a Pavlovian thing at it’s core, but it does work. Now please don’t blame me if you go into debt buying little treats for yourself, I accept no responsibility for Devil card behaviors! Which brings me to, if you draw a Devil card with the Knight of Pentacles, this is an opportunity to evaluate habits and negative self-talk, self-limiting beliefs, addictions, co-dependency and any other people, places, and things that can be impeding your progress. Take action as needed or desired. If you’re not sure what those things could be, you can do a spell to reveal those things to you. That’s my suggestion.

It can take years for us to get the courage to make life changing decisions that better our situation even when we have the skills and wisdom, we are still human. The Knight of Pentacles wants stability, and stability requires consistency. Britney Spears didn’t wake up one day and become the iconic POP princess we know and protect, she worked her ass off every day since she was a kid…. wow, bad example, don’t go that far! That leads to burn out. You see what I did there? Consistency and moderation, that’s the key. Slow and steady.

Think of some goals that you’d like to achieve this year. Write them down and then draw arrows from them and write down small, daily habits you can form to make these goals into a reality. You can take a step further and rate these goals from 1-5, 5 being the most pressing. And that may help you organize your time. I found out today that my mom and my spouse want to go on trips this summer, so my goal is to raise a few more thousand dollars this spring and early summer so that we can afford to do both trips. Speaking of money, this blog is not monetized, yet… But one day I hope to make some money from my writing. That’s a long term goal. But with writing a little bit everyday (mostly) I can get closer to my goal of being full time writer.

Here are some easy going goals you can take into your life if you choose

1. Become familiar with local birds and their migration patterns

2. Call your Grandma once a week

3. Support small farms near you

4. Start a walking group

5. Use tarot as a journaling prompt

6. Stretch your calves and glutes

7. Drink some tea from your local witch shop

8. See local drag and burlesque performers, Attend art shows, See live music once a month

9. Call/Email your political representatives

10. Learn a new recipe

Photo is from the Halloween Tarot by Kipling West

Knight of Cups

“Even when the cold comes crashing through
I'm putting all my bets on you
I hope they never understand us

I put my heart inside your palms
My home in your arms
Now we know nothing matters
Nothing matters.” - The Last Dinner Party

Intensity is the name of the game with the Knight of Cups! This is the card that we pull when we are usually about to make some serious changes in our life but we need to make it quickly. Like switching a job, saying yes to an opportunity, or deciding to take a road trip with a friend. In the image I’ve chosen for this blog post, there is an eclipse in the back ground. Eclipses are often associated with intense new beginnings or intense clearing… But intense is key here, and that is often the energy of the Knights suit. The Knight is on a horse, they are moving forward! But with the Cups, we know that this card is an emotional forward moving energy. What is your Mars placement? How do you move forward in this world? I have a Cancer Mars placement, so if there’s no feeling behind it, I’m not interested for too long.

This card reminds me of friends that have fallen hard for a someone and end up engaged and pregnant within 6 months! That’s a lot of serious choices in a row driven by heightened emotions. And we are likely to be worried about loved ones making those ambitious life decisions because pattern recognition doesn’t lend to their favor. So when this card is reversed in a reading, it may be a sign to take some time to rethink, reconsider, redesign. Especially if you pull it during a Mercury Retrograde, don’t make a hasty decision, this card is a warning to slow it down.

But on the other hand, pulling this card may be a sign that it is the perfect time to leave your dead end job and start your own business! The energy of this card pulls us to things that emotionally make us feel fulfilled. And sometimes it doesn’t need to be something as big as a romantic relationship or a career change, it could mean that it’s pulling you to start that new class that you’ve always wanted to do. Or to go get the software to start creating the online class that you have been wanting to teach. I know of a lot of independent healers and creatives that started using online teaching to make money rather than depending on brick and mortar locations. And now they can reach people all over the world and do things that are in alignment with them. The technology of today makes following your heart a little less scary if you take the time to research the apps and equipment you need to start putting yourself out there. I mean, I just got this website and started writing about something I am passionate about, Tarot, in relation to my artistry. That’s a Knight of Cups moment for me. As a neurospicy person, working for other people has always been a challenge, so when I have to the opportunity to leap into something that feels exciting and fulfilling, I’m there!

The energy of this card brings me back to times that I’ve created an emotional burlesque number because of an infatuation with a new lover or someone that I would desire that way, but it’s the right person, wrong time situation. And the desire that builds from the inability to act on those impulses builds into incredible choreography. The alchemy takes the energy of my desires and transcends it into something that will live forever in the minds of those that were moved by the number, and that is really fucking cool. Rather than destroy my relationship and their relationship with foolhardy infidelity, I will make something lusty to be enjoyed instead of create anguish and DRAMA. And that is my advice with this card, enjoy the energy, be wise with what you do with it, because there is a certain inertia felt when this card is coming up. Blessings.

Photo included is the Knight of Cups from the Moon Dust Tarot by Florance Saul

Queen of Pentacles

Let’s go on a walk down memory lane shall we? Go ahead and take my hand, it’s okay, we’re 8 years old again and there’s no one around to laugh at us for playing magic fairy land. It’s in the middle of Summer and the sun will be going down in about two hours, we can see the sun peeking at us from in between the tall rows of trees that meet each other along the path that we’re walking down. The trees meet as if they were two whales under the sea swimming up towards each other for a kiss and we are two little crabs watching. The grasses surrounding us are so high and we can only imagine what kinds of creatures are slumbering and stirring, but we won’t be bothering them.

The path is muddy and we don’t have shoes on, we haven’t worn shoes all day! We’re tough. I was a little afraid of wild dogs, but you told me they don’t come this far down the path so it’s okay. We can hear the frogs in the creeks and ditches all around us, it’s getting late, but we haven’t found the fairy queen yet, so we keep walking along the path towards the setting sun. It seems like the louder the frogs and the bugs sing, the sweeter the milo smells and I know I won’t forget this day as long as I live. And as we walk down the muddy path, I start to see the lightning bugs beyond the grasses right before the darkness of the tree line begins. What is in those shadows? I wonder. And suddenly I realize we aren’t standing in mud anymore and the sky isn’t bright at all! It’s dark and the path that was once squishy and warm, is now cool and covered in purple flowers that hug our toes. The Summer breeze kisses my sunburnt shoulders and cheeks as I gaze up at the starry sky. I have never seen so many stars in my whole life! I turn to look at you with a huge smile, your gaze is on the sky. You tell me that it’s time, time for the fairy queen to descend upon us to grant our wishes.

I hear the twinkling of a soft bell behind us, we both turn around and see her, the fairy queen! She is there standing so tall, with her hair and her cloak floating all around her and she is smiling at us, urging us to come closer. So we inch a little further, and we see that she is holding a basket, a staff and a bell. She hands me the basket, you the staff and the bell, and she says, “Go and gather your wishes, and put them into this basket. Whatever wishes you put into this basket can come true. Use the staff to fight off any creatures that try to steal the basket, and once you’re done, ring the bell and I will find you. This cannot be done in one night though, don’t ring this bell until you are very old and can no longer fight with the staff and you can no longer carry the basket. Only ring the bell when it is the last thing you will do on this earth and I will find you.”

And then she disappeared into the darkness of the tree line, with no sound, we could only hear the breeze blowing in the trees. We wanted to follow her into the darkness to understand more, but we were too scared of the darkness. But how could we make these wishes come true by just putting them into a basket? Ugh fairies are so tricky. Dearest reader, I hope you are with me here on the metaphors. What wishes are you carrying around in your basket? Have you had to raise your fairy given staff at intruders and thieves of passion?

What worldly goals are you chasing? What have you achieved? Who has helped you along the way? The Queen of Pentacles is our friend helping us out with our finances, health, safety, food and our connection to nature. The Queen of Pentacles is all about our earthly delights! Earth is her element. I think everyone needs a friend that always has food cooking and has advice to give with no ulterior motive, otherwise life can be so hard. And if you don’t have that friend, be that friend. When I am feeling really ungrounded, the best thing I can do for my psyche is to put on a cooking show, bust open a cookbook and try out some recipes. I am a bit of a kitchen witch, this is my happy place. If you’re a more hearty individual, maybe you need to do a vigorous exercise, or go jogging on a nature trail with a good friend. These are our Queens of Pentacles, they ground us, they nurture our spirits back into our body when the yearning has gone too damn far! Don’t ring that bell yet darlings, the fight isn’t over. Raise that staff and fight off any thoughts that steal our goddess given right to enjoy this time on earth.

It wasn’t so long ago that we were all just kids playing make believe out in the grass, we didn’t care about the bug bites or the time. It would be foolish and a tad bit cruel to talk about finding financial stability in times like these. So I don’t want to talk about adult things with you, I want us to go find the fairy queen in the woods under the starry night with flowers at our feet.

PIctured is the Queen of Pumpkins from the Halloween Tarot by Kipling West

Queen of Wands

“Without you
There'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me.” - LeAnn Rimes

Back in the year 2000, yours truly was competing in a statewide Nazarene children’s musical talent competition and I desperately wanted to sing “How do I live?” by LeAnn Rimes, but the choir director had warned me that though we could say I was singing to Jesus, that was not what Miss Rimes’s original intent had been in releasing that song. So, I went with “Amazing Grace” instead. Killed it, by the way, except I got points deducted by jazzing up the notes beyond what was on the sheet music. Go figure.

All of my life I have wanted to sing, dance, act, paint, cook, and love on everyone. Do I love the Queen of Wands? My goddess yes, we are good friends. Let’s take a look at the card, she is wearing shades of yellow and gold, she has lions, a cat, sunflowers, a crown and she sits on throne. Wands are associated with the element Fire, so you can also associate this card with the astrological sign Leo. A Leo loves to roar! And in Ayurvedic color knowledge, yellow is associated with your solar plexus, an area in which we cultivate confidence.

If you are doing a reading to find out if you are ready to start learning a new skill, plan a vacation, or start dating, I would say this is a big yes. The Queen of Wands wants everyone to live their best life. She is saying, “Here, take this sunflower, it has tons of seeds for you to plant along your journey, you cannot fail!” However if she is showing up reversed, you might be feeling overwhelmed with your options. In that case, draw another card to narrow down some options, and if you’re really confused, I like to do an elemental spread to help me understand what is pulling me into different directions. It helps me categorize things in my life a little better when the web gets too full.

You know I like to throw in in some pop culture references to create clarity folks, so here we go, I think the perfect example of the Queen of Wands is Kristy from The Babysitter’s Club movie from 1995. Kristy, played by Schuyler Fisk, is the leader of the babysitter’s club and she also has all of the big ideas to keep the group evolving as they all grow up together. She is also queer coded, and I love that, she was my favorite when I was a kid, but that’s a discussion for another day. She also inspired me to be an entrepreneur one day! Girls need role models like Kristy that are passionate and fearless. If you’ve seen the movie, you know Kristy gets her snow globe shaken up when her dead beat dad comes into town and overwhelms her when she’s supposed to be focusing on her summer camp business venture with her best friends. She ends up not being able to keep up the facade that she has it all under control and eventually breaks down and needs her friends to help her. And of course they are there for her because she inspires them, she leads them and she cherishes them most of all. That is Queen of Wands energy.

If you’ve ever loved a Leo you know that nothing gets in the way of their goals, and I mean nothing. It is quite a turn on to be around someone like that, we all love someone with passion and the skills to back it up. Just be sure that their goals are in alignment with your lifestyle, otherwise it won’t work out long term. I’m a Gemini, and I am a Leo magnet, I have married, divorced, dated many Leos… You better know yourself before you get mixed up with these fire signs. And the Queen of Wands also asks you to get to know yourself. Sometimes I think when we feel stuck in life, it’s because there is so much energy inside of us that we want to release but we don’t know into what. That uncertainty can be painful.

My suggestion, just pick something and commit, you can always deal with the consequences later, but doing nothing also has a consequence. Start that Argentinean Tango class. Go to Nail Tech School. Call up your friend and tell them you love them and you are grateful that they’re in your life. Start your podcast where you talk about the rare skin disorders of big cats. Whatever it is, go for it! Write it down on a piece of paper, point your magic wand at it and shout “ABRACADABRA BITCH!” I believe in you. And the world needs your talent, your heart and your passion.

Photo is from the Modern Witch Tarot Deck by Lisa Sterle

Queen of Cups

“I'm a watermelon slammed into your driveway
Crack me open so I feel the air inside me
Like a tongue, tongue
In my ear drum, dumb, dumb
Music boyfriend, I'm your yum, yum
Call me and I'll come". - John + Jane Q. Public

I’m really struggling with my words here, because the Queen of Cups is not about words, she is all of the feels all of the time. And sometimes I really doubt my ability to express those ghastly things. For example, my deep shame in being too embarrassed to hug my friend when she was crying about her dog that had just passed. But goddess bless her, she forgave my awkwardness and just laughed and asked for some cheese. Cheese I can give, nurturing hugs and the “right” thing to say to a grieving friend is not my forte. What can I say? My mom is deaf and she doesn’t say those “I love you,” words out loud, she signs them, and that would be even more awkward for me to sign “I love you,” to my friend that is sobbing and more than likely not familiar with American Sign Language. She would wonder why I would inadvertently code switch during her time of need. The mind reels.

I may think that I am emotionally constipated but if you listen to my Spotify playlists they’re filled with nothing but crooners and bass guitars plucking away at only the most yearning of notes. My burlesque numbers use songs that are about unrequited love, doing too much, ruminating on a crush, and a lot of my numbers are making a joke about smothering someone with my love. Or ripping my clothes off and slamming my hands on the stage to show how badly I want someone that doesn’t even notice me. I would say those are some pretty emotional displays. It also shows how I am using my intuition to sense how my audience will react and relate to my art.

And when it has come to love in my past, well, I am guilty of being a serial monogamist, I fall hard, and up until my current relationship, they all fell out hard too. Which of course brings on more shame about my emotional capacity, is it all me? Well, that’s between me and my therapist! I know one thing is for sure, I LOVE LOVE. Don’t all performers?

The Queen of Cups is not just about love though, she is all about FEELING and absorbing. I can think of quite a few Cancer signs in my life that find me utterly incorrigible and I can’t blame them, I’d rather joke about my feelings than feel them. But I have had one Cancer friend that loved me and she would just come over and brush my pomeranians and yell about politics. We’re still friends, we just live very far away from each other. I digress, when I think of the Queen of Cups in her groove, I think of a Cancer sign that has planned a party for her best friend’s baby shower. Planned down to the most tedious details because she wants her friend to feel seen and loved and cherished. Those friends are divine to have in your corner as long as they don’t flip to the other side and start accusing everyone of never loving them the way they need to be loved because, wow, that happens. MMhmm. And I’m tired of people pretending that it doesn’t! (This from a disgruntled Air sign that is tired of being accused of not being emotionally present. I may be aloof but at least I won’t rub it in your face that you didn’t get me the right gift.)

When you are doing a reading and the Queen of Cups comes up, it can mean that you are in an environment where your emotional needs are being met, or you are attuned to what your needs are and you are taking care of yourself emotionally. If it is a question about a friend or a lover, I would say this is a good sign that they are trying to understand you. When the Queen of Cups is reversed, this is when situations get petty. I’ve heard other Tarot readers compare the Queen of Cups to Carrie from Sex and the City. Now I love Carrie’s toxicity, it’s entertaining, but in reality it’s exhausting to always be putting yourself in a relationship (with Big) that is emotionally unavailable and feel like you’re choking. And that’s why we see Carrie become petty so often throughout all of the show. We’re screaming at the T.V. to “stay away from Big,” and we all feel that moment when Charlotte finally lets him have it after he stood Carrie up at their fucking wedding. Charlotte was displaying big Queen of Cups energy in that moment btw.

Bringing it back around to my lyrical quote at the top of the blog, that is from the soundtrack to “Dinner in America.” A very emotional movie! And if you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about and you probably watched it again almost immediately and then listened to “Watermelon” over and over again. Because damn, the love, the rage, the frustration, the validation, the mmmm I’ll just let you watch it. Our two main characters display a lot of the best characteristics of our Queen of Cups. Patty is very observant and takes in the world around her meanwhile the people in her life are constantly underestimating her, Patty is a lyrical genius. She meets Simon who is a musician and has a rough exterior, but he has a soft spot for Patty. And as their relationship grows, he becomes fiercely protective of her and devoted to seeing her break out of her shell. Go watch it, there are many more layers to uncover, but for now I will just say if you are trying to nurture your feels, that’s a great movie to watch.

Okay, that’s all I can muster for now. I’ve gone to depths that I’m uncomfortable sharing with the world, but I’m working on it! Bright blessings.

Photo is from The Muse Tarot by Chris Anne

Queen of Swords

Ah the Queens, I have been anticipating greatly to write about them. And I’ll be starting with my personal favorite, the Queen of Swords. My astrology chart has some heavy Gemini and Capricorn placements so the actions ascribed to this card are very relatable to me as a person that calls it like I see it. (Not always a popular choice as a woman in a patriarchal society.) But what Queen worth her salt cares more about pleasing people than doing what’s best for her people? So, if you’re a feminine presenting individual that has been told all of your life to keep your opinions to yourself, just like me, keep reading. I embrace bitches over here, we might be what saves the world one day.

Swords are associated with air, as you will see in my photo posted with today’s blog the card has feathers rather than swords. Some decks use birds, butterflies, bats, brooms, etc to represent the air element of this suit. Air is also associated with Gemini, Aquarius and Libra astrological signs. Those signs are commonly free thinkers, quit witted, and often times have a lot to express. And if you’re a student of the Ayurvedic Chakra system, expression is associated with the throat, and the color blue. When reading different tarot decks you can look for these different elements to help you navigate the deck. But the OG paintings from the Ryder, Waite, Smith deck uses swords. Swords whip through the air, swords deliver a message, usually something like, “You’re not going to fuck with me or the ones I love.” Cue your favorite romantic action movie with people swinging swords in the name of love and revenge! (Mine is Princess Bride.)

So what makes the Queen different than the King? We are in a non-binary world, right? We can divide the sexes and split hairs if we want, but what I like to think about the Queens is that they are receiving and absorbing, whereas the Kings are putting out the energy to be received. A Yin and Yang approach if you will and like the Yin and Yang they have a little of both in each side. A time to split hairs is contextual upon your reading. Peter Steele from Type O Negative singing in the song, “Be My Druidess,” “I’ll do anything, to make you come.” Over and over again so you get the message, is some King of Wands energy. And the Queen of Swords energy would be receiving that message and then telling him how to make you come.

Oftentimes I associate the Queen of Swords with the High Priestess, they’re like best friends. One is the introvert that is studying everyone’s body language and the other is the outspoken one that calls out everyone’s bullshit. The energy of both cards is a sense of knowing, but the action of speaking or expressing falls on the Queen of Swords. She notices when her best friend has a jealous co-worker and she decides to tell her friend to watch her back around that person. The Queen of Swords is about telling it like it is for the greater good, being courageous enough to recite your poem in front of audience, writing a blog about Tarot (ohp.) She has received her information and she has decided to release it. Now if you are debating on whether or not to say something, and you draw a Temperance card, you may want to hold off for a little while until more information comes through.

Like I said, cards are energetic and the meaning in a reading often depends on the context of the questions being asked. I once did a reading for a young college student that was beginning to challenge her more conservative dad on his dogmas. And she wanted the reading to know what she should do with this intensifying home life. And she drew the High Priestess and the Queen of Swords. So I told her, “You have all of the information, you know how he feels, you know you feel in relation to his opinions. And unfortunately you also know that you need to depend on him for your education. Take that into account when you decide to argue with him. Write out your feelings in a journal, see a counselor, but wait until you are financially independent to really let him have it.” Not all of us have had the privilege this young woman has, we have had to speak our truth a little more aggressively even if it cost us a living situation. But use your words wisely as a Queen would do. When we wield our words without being thoughtful, we can be cruel, we can create hostility in our homes and workplace. An example is a person that gives unsolicited advice and it definitely starts to come off as Regina George antics.

I know as a burlesque performer I have come across other performers that immediately start to criticize my costumes, my facial expressions and my wigs before I even asked their opinion. And then they were confused when I didn’t want to associate with them anymore. Constructive criticism is one thing, but trying to break someone down with criticism is another and I have no room in my life for that noise.

Wield your swords responsibly but also, take no shit. Blessings.

Photo of the Queen of Swords in the Gothic Tarot by Anne Stokes

King of Pentacles

Ugh let’s talk about money. I have saved the King of Pentacles for last because, I’ll be honest, I am terrible with money! I consistently choose career paths that are very difficult to get consistent paychecks and well fuck it, I’m an artist. When I know that I need to spend money to make that showbiz magic happen, I’m going to spend it. So don’t trust me as your financial advisor.

The King of Pentacles, when it shows up in a reading upright, it means that you or someone in your life is doing great with finances and managing those earthly necessities with great alacrity and poise. Can you please hook me up with some of that power? When it shows up reversed, you or someone in your life is mismanaging money, power and responsibility. So a good example of a reading would be asking the cards, “hey cards, should I work for (name), and if they show you a reversed King of Pentacles, I would be cautious in proceeding. Definitely look into them online, see if they have a Better Business Bureau rating, check their reviews and maybe ask around before accepting the position or the partnership.

As an artist that wears my heart and passion on my sleeve, I attract a lot of big ideas people, and boy have I been let down royally too many times. But now I can see the red flags ten miles down the road when a deal seems too good to be true. Or if I agree to help with a new production I have learned to adjust my expectations. The pay will probably be minimal if any and I need to know that I am getting something else out of the situation to make it worth the time. Like connections to performers I may have never met, or learning how to manage optics for a festival, or how to network and create contracts for future shows. But if I have unrealistic expectations going into a new venture with big talkers, we may all walk away feeling a little sour.

I recently walked away from my spa career that I’ve had since 2007 so I can focus more on things that really excite me. And to be honest, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, the money was never that great for me personally. I know some people can do really well, but I wasn’t one of them and I can make the same amount of money doing pretty much anything else. So I am going to focus on my art, finishing college and doing tarot readings. But at least now I don’t have to rub stinky feet!

Finishing my college degree has weighed heavily on me my entire adult life. I did plenty of trade certifications, but in my heart, I always want more. But the student loan shit really scares me, and aside from applying for scholarships and other financial aid, I just have to feel the fear and do it anyway. Much like investing in good costumes for my burlesque career, investing in my education is necessary to move up in the world. I’m no rich kid, and I have nothing but credit card debt and maybe my grandma’s couch to fall back on if I fail. And don’t get me wrong, I DIY and hustle as much as I can, but we live in America, there’s never enough money.

When living at the mercy of reversed Kings of Pentacles we all feel the pressure of doing more, achieving more, more, more, more! Ugh, I just want to sit down in sparkly corset with my titties out and feed my pomeranians little snacks. So don’t feel like if you have to spend money to make money that you are embodying a reverse Kings of Pentacles, more than likely you are doing the best with what you have when you can. And that makes you a regular upright King of Pentacles and you should get yourself a nice treat… (toothy grin)

King of Swords

“Blame it all on my roots, I showed up in boots
And ruined your black tie affair
The last one to know, the last one to show
I was the last one you thought you'd see there.” -Garth Brooks, Friends in Low Places

Yesterday at my dad’s steakhouse birthday party this song came on and my dad started whistling to it, and I thought, this song is such a good example of an anthem for the King of Swords. It’s a very “fuck you, I’m gonna do it my way, and they’ll love me for it,” kind of vibe that is timeless to the human spirit. And no, before you start assuming that I’m an Americana country fried two-stepper, I’d ask you to take a deep breath and recognize that I was the only goth in the steakhouse, but I can appreciate a country hit when I hear one. If I was from the northeast I’d probably be quoting Frank Sinatra, but I’m from Kansas.

I learned how to appreciate the country music that called out abusers, capitalist pigs, systemic violence and heartbreak. I was in middle school when my beloved band, The Chicks, were getting eviscerated by the public for taking a stance against our government. And wouldn’t you know it, a couple of years later I had to stand in front of our high school football crowd while they violently screamed Toby Keith’s rancid rebuttal of a song about The Chicks. I was a cheerleader in small town America, and though I was very unpopular in my leftist beliefs, I still did my best to stay true to myself and I never stopped. If I can deal with the town screaming those god awful lyrics, I can deal with anything.

And yes, I was a cheerleader. I said I lived in a small town, we didn’t have a dance team. Our options were cheerleading or colorguard, and I didn’t like the flags, I liked mini skirts and tossing girls in the air.

For me, expression is fluid and not meant to be categorized, put in a box, dissected and catalogued. I don’t want to be forced to be one thing, have one look, have one opinion, I am not static like my pink stripper pole, but I am dynamic and so are you dear reader. In particular I love to change, change is my aesthetic and I’m going to blame that on my Venus being in the sign of Gemini and my Sun sign also being Gemini. I need variety! Like Air! Oh, yes, air. Let me get back on point.

The King of Swords is associated with the element Air. Swords swing through the air thwacking off the heads of an enemy the same as a tongue slashes through oxygen, lambasting a hearty insult at the person that burns them with a cigarette at a crowded cross walk. The suit of swords is all about expression, words, linguistics, and thought forms. I think a perfect example of this card in action is Myrtle Snow from American Horror Story Coven season. Myrtle’s power is in wordsmithing and linguistics. No doubt she has impeccable style, she goes out screaming “Balenciaga!” as her last words. This character is very King of Swords coded, she is always reading between the lines and finds corruption in the coven.

And when no one believes her, she enchants the villain’s quasi familiar’s tongue so that he MUST tell the truth about the villain’s evil deeds, and if you’ve seen the show you know that Myrtle does not get the justice she seeks. But her pathos seeks to illuminate corruption and the solution. It’s not easy being the truth teller in a world built on cooperation, truth isn’t cooperative in nature, it disrupts. We’ve seen empires rise and fall since the beginning of time, and every one of those empires contained leadership, and those leaders all declared divinity! “Make me King, the gods have chosen me! You wouldn’t want the gods to punish you for not crowning me your leader, would you?” And eventually as everyone knows, poor leadership eventually results in downfall from your empires all the way down to your corrupt bake sale organizers.

In a reading you may pull the Tower card and the King of Swords, this could be that an authority in your life is getting the rug pulled out and it will affect your daily life because authority makes systems, when that system is exposed and destroyed we have to pivot. Draw a card to ask advice on what to do to manage the big changes in your life.

Change is hard, uncertainty is painful, but our ancestors continued to live and dream despite the world being an ever-changing, ever-evolving miracle. And you my friend can also keep going. Even if you have to go a little mad to get through it, you can get through it. If you’re going to drink one too many hot toddies and paint your body and then go running naked through your neighborhood, I suggest using non-toxic, washable paint and not acrylic.

King of Wands

Wands, representing our fiery passions, our willfulness and what makes the world go round! Last night when I was backstage at the burlesque show I was performing in, one of our kittens said, “if you’re doing something (for a career) that you aren’t passionate about, you’re wasting your life.” And as a person with an Aries Moon, I must savagely agree. Also, I understand the limitations of living in a capitalist driven society and how hard it is to fight for our lives well lived. Artists especially find it difficult to find our place in the machine. Functionalist sociologists would say that our place in the functions of society is to keep people entertained, and indeed we do! But that work is not always acknowledged nor respected for the time, effort, training, and the occasional existential crisis it takes to do something worthwhile.

Which leads me to today’s card, the King of Wands! This card is all about keeping your ducks in a row, ducks being your interests, a row being allocating your time and resources accordingly to bring out the best in you in relation to your interests. Simply put, get your shit together and make it shine! As a burlesque performer, and I know I’m not alone here, I have a tendency to start too many new numbers. EEK! And then I get frustrated when I don’t feel like I’m showing my best to my audience. A lot of burly mentors will say get 2-3 numbers really polished and that’s what you should be submitting to producers. But man, how do I choose just 2 or 3? My anxiety takes over and starts considering the themes of the shows, the other cast, the producer’s style, and all of these other factors that I have limited control over. The mind reels.

What I could put my focus in, once again, is polishing those damn 2-3 numbers that represent me, my talent and my interests best. And if I submit them and they’re not accepted, then I wasn’t meant for that particular show. Move on with your glittery self! We cannot be everything to every show, cast and production. We can however find our own flavor, and I think that journey for me has been the most healing and satisfying part of being a burlesque artist. Before I started burlesque, I couldn’t even choose a favorite color or decide which styles of clothing I liked to wear or where I wanted to go on vacation. This is part of healing from trauma of course, sometimes trauma survivors have no idea what they like or want because no one ever fucking asked us! Burlesque artistry is healing. Are you a vampy diva? A sparkly cowgirl? A tap dancing crab? A jokester that likes to sing opera and tease the audience with your words? You can be any of these things!

When people approach me about burlesque classes, it feels like a loaded question because there are sooooo many different types of burlesque. But what I always suggest is to first GO…WATCH…BURLESQUE SHOWS! Every show has a different flavor, you will have to engage with it as an audience member and figure out what lights your fire. Fire, that brings me back to the wands.

When we are in control of our work, we are organized baby, and we are getting shit accomplished, we are embodying the energy of this card. But on the flip side, you can also embody the energy of this card that is hyper critical, procrastinating, throwing your dogma at others, throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. It’s messy, and we can do better. I think reversals are a call to action when they come up in a reading. So if you get a reversed King of Wands, consider how these behaviors are showing up in your life.

And I’ll end here with this, if you are feeling confused, please have some compassion for your confusion, it does no good to shame yourself. If shaming helped we would all be superstars. My call to action for you today, is to center yourself by meditating on being the artist you wish to be. How does she look? Is she smiling? Glowing? Jumping up and down in a jug of jello? It’s your life, will your dreams into existence one beautiful inspiration at a time.

King of Cups

On this blustery day in Kansas, it is Valentine’s Day, and while I had my sweetheart brunch this morning, my heart is filled with turmoil. I’ve recently made the decision to stop doing spa gigs as my full time money maker, and while my body feels great now with the absence of physical labor, my nerves are raw from the fear and guilt of abandoning my career. I have bills, I had clients that relied on me for pain relief, I have a spouse that needs me to contribute. But I couldn’t do it anymore.

I won’t get into all of the reasons why, people rarely want to hear about the ails of others, I know, it’s draining. But what I will say is that after awhile, if I didn’t make some serious changes to my life, I no longer have the right to complain about something I keep choosing. I am 35 now, and I became an esthetician when I was 18 because I wanted to live on my own. But as years have gone by, I’ve acquired more licensures in self-care; esthetics, cosmetology, cosmetology educator, massage therapy, Reiki, but what I’ve dreamed of the entire time I’ve chosen these skills, is to work from home!

But 15 years ago there weren’t very many options for working from home, there wasn’t the content creation, so I kept choosing things from a survival point of view. And yes, I know this is very first world problems, but hey, I live here in the U.S. and these are the issues. None of these jobs have provided me with the long term security and benefits that a person needs to live. So I’ve made a serious decision for my health and my future, I’ve gone back to college once again, hopefully to finish this time. And while I’m in college I’m allowing myself to be a full time witch, burlesque creative, Reiki healer and (gasp!) a writer.

Now, with all of that out of the way, let’s get to the tarot! My intro was necessary for what I’m about to tell you fellow creatives and heart-led sweetie pies. The King of Cups is not here to fuck around with the safety of your heart. “Protect your heart,” “For the sake of your heart,” “Follow your heart,” how do we put these well wishes to good use? They’ve never been very helpful for me, I need my advice to be a bit more blunt.

The King of Cups is a card about being a good leader, that’s what a lot of short descriptions say. But what it demands of us to take control of our thoughts and environment, those things that affect our emotions for better or worse. I couldn’t wait around until I finally loved what I was doing for work, I had to make the choice to be brave and choose what I really want to do. This card demands that we stop being bitter, we stop taking our issues out on other people and take some responsibility for our life.

The King of Cups is a card that expresses self-care in a way that we don’t want to hear. It says, “go to the doctor,” “go no contact,” “actually go to the gym,” “get up and dance instead of ruminate,” “take your meds,” “message them individually instead of vague post,” do you get what I’m saying here? And if you’re struggling with these things like many of us including myself are, I suggest starting a dialogue with that inner King of Cups. Ask what can you do in this situation to FEEL better? Yes, feelings phobic people, even you need to find ways to feel better.

I would be remiss to not mention how unbelievably fucking hard it is to be a small business owner, artist, and healer right now, especially if you are a woman, LGBTQIA, a minority, and/or disabled. You aren’t alone!…And I know that isn’t comforting either on really bad days. What I will include here at the end is a Reiki healing prompt. As we take in a tornado of scary information these days, I want you to spend extra time sending clearing energy to your head space, and heart space. Clear what no longer serves, call back your power and refill with compassion for yourself and others (“Others” can be your pets if humans are pissing you off too much.) You don’t need to take an hour to do this. It can be a 20 second exercise for you to center yourself in moments of emotional instability. To begin, ask whatever energetics you are in alignment with to guide you through this healing session. Use your hands, crystals or just imagine the energy in those areas. Once you are finished, thank the energy for the healing and shake it out!

For my atheists, you may ask the energy of the Big Lebowski to be your guide, it doesn’t matter, what we are doing is trying to calm the nervous system.

Take care of the little kingdom you have, care for the things you have, care for your thoughts and take responsibility for where those thoughts lead, good or bad. XOXO

Tarot card is from The Moon Dust Tarot by Florance Saul