Queen of Cups

“I'm a watermelon slammed into your driveway
Crack me open so I feel the air inside me
Like a tongue, tongue
In my ear drum, dumb, dumb
Music boyfriend, I'm your yum, yum
Call me and I'll come". - John + Jane Q. Public

I’m really struggling with my words here, because the Queen of Cups is not about words, she is all of the feels all of the time. And sometimes I really doubt my ability to express those ghastly things. For example, my deep shame in being too embarrassed to hug my friend when she was crying about her dog that had just passed. But goddess bless her, she forgave my awkwardness and just laughed and asked for some cheese. Cheese I can give, nurturing hugs and the “right” thing to say to a grieving friend is not my forte. What can I say? My mom is deaf and she doesn’t say those “I love you,” words out loud, she signs them, and that would be even more awkward for me to sign “I love you,” to my friend that is sobbing and more than likely not familiar with American Sign Language. She would wonder why I would inadvertently code switch during her time of need. The mind reels.

I may think that I am emotionally constipated but if you listen to my Spotify playlists they’re filled with nothing but crooners and bass guitars plucking away at only the most yearning of notes. My burlesque numbers use songs that are about unrequited love, doing too much, ruminating on a crush, and a lot of my numbers are making a joke about smothering someone with my love. Or ripping my clothes off and slamming my hands on the stage to show how badly I want someone that doesn’t even notice me. I would say those are some pretty emotional displays. It also shows how I am using my intuition to sense how my audience will react and relate to my art.

And when it has come to love in my past, well, I am guilty of being a serial monogamist, I fall hard, and up until my current relationship, they all fell out hard too. Which of course brings on more shame about my emotional capacity, is it all me? Well, that’s between me and my therapist! I know one thing is for sure, I LOVE LOVE. Don’t all performers?

The Queen of Cups is not just about love though, she is all about FEELING and absorbing. I can think of quite a few Cancer signs in my life that find me utterly incorrigible and I can’t blame them, I’d rather joke about my feelings than feel them. But I have had one Cancer friend that loved me and she would just come over and brush my pomeranians and yell about politics. We’re still friends, we just live very far away from each other. I digress, when I think of the Queen of Cups in her groove, I think of a Cancer sign that has planned a party for her best friend’s baby shower. Planned down to the most tedious details because she wants her friend to feel seen and loved and cherished. Those friends are divine to have in your corner as long as they don’t flip to the other side and start accusing everyone of never loving them the way they need to be loved because, wow, that happens. MMhmm. And I’m tired of people pretending that it doesn’t! (This from a disgruntled Air sign that is tired of being accused of not being emotionally present. I may be aloof but at least I won’t rub it in your face that you didn’t get me the right gift.)

When you are doing a reading and the Queen of Cups comes up, it can mean that you are in an environment where your emotional needs are being met, or you are attuned to what your needs are and you are taking care of yourself emotionally. If it is a question about a friend or a lover, I would say this is a good sign that they are trying to understand you. When the Queen of Cups is reversed, this is when situations get petty. I’ve heard other Tarot readers compare the Queen of Cups to Carrie from Sex and the City. Now I love Carrie’s toxicity, it’s entertaining, but in reality it’s exhausting to always be putting yourself in a relationship (with Big) that is emotionally unavailable and feel like you’re choking. And that’s why we see Carrie become petty so often throughout all of the show. We’re screaming at the T.V. to “stay away from Big,” and we all feel that moment when Charlotte finally lets him have it after he stood Carrie up at their fucking wedding. Charlotte was displaying big Queen of Cups energy in that moment btw.

Bringing it back around to my lyrical quote at the top of the blog, that is from the soundtrack to “Dinner in America.” A very emotional movie! And if you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about and you probably watched it again almost immediately and then listened to “Watermelon” over and over again. Because damn, the love, the rage, the frustration, the validation, the mmmm I’ll just let you watch it. Our two main characters display a lot of the best characteristics of our Queen of Cups. Patty is very observant and takes in the world around her meanwhile the people in her life are constantly underestimating her, Patty is a lyrical genius. She meets Simon who is a musician and has a rough exterior, but he has a soft spot for Patty. And as their relationship grows, he becomes fiercely protective of her and devoted to seeing her break out of her shell. Go watch it, there are many more layers to uncover, but for now I will just say if you are trying to nurture your feels, that’s a great movie to watch.

Okay, that’s all I can muster for now. I’ve gone to depths that I’m uncomfortable sharing with the world, but I’m working on it! Bright blessings.

Photo is from The Muse Tarot by Chris Anne