Princess of Swords

When sharp weapons and villainy are afoot, who better to deal with it than a teenaged babysitter? Wait, what? The 70’s were wild. For my next Princess of horror and Page of Swords, I have chosen Laurie Strode from the 1978 Halloween. Not only is this one of my favorite “final girls,” but I also have a Halloween burlesque number. The score, the mask, the shape, it is unforgettable slasher goodness. I always think of Michael Myers as being like a shark, he’s just moving through the world consuming, but instead of eating, he’s just getting all stabby stabby on everyone. And while the franchise is fun, I really prefer the lore of the first movie. I prefer to not understand his motivations, because to be honest, I think we care too much about the mind of a serial killer and not enough about the mindset of the people that survive them.

This brings me to our young Laurie, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, daughter of Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh, she is an actress, producer, and apparently a children’s book writer. Laurie is our protagonist and we meet her in the beginning of the movie walking home with her friends. We immediately get the gist that Laurie is the brainy one of the group and the most responsible. It’s Halloween and they all want to hang out with their boyfriends except for Laurie, she doesn’t have a boyfriend but she does notice the shape by the bushes! No one else notices, they’re all very preoccupied with their night time plans. That is Page of Swords energy, and put a pin in that, its important.

Fast forward, it’s night time, the kids have all done their trick or treating, which is a little disappointing that in a Halloween movie, we don’t get to see anyone trick or treat. But it’s the 70’s, we must hastily get to the teen sex scenes and stabby stabby monster fuckery! Laurie ends up babysitting alone while her friends hook up, and then in good 1900’s fashion, the phones and the electricity are unavailable and Laurie is trying to figure out what is going on with her friends.

Meanwhile all of this is going on, we have our monster back story getting filled in by his psychiatrist Dr. Loomis. Michael Myers has broken out of the psych ward! He hasn’t been out in the free world since he was a little boy, it was Halloween and he saw his older sister naked, with the assumption she had sex prior and he stabbed her to death. The doctors have tried for years to understand a motive, all they can come up with is, “evil, pure evil.” MMhmm. Anyway, the lore changes in every movie, but like I said, I like the simplicity of our murderer’s mindset, it keeps us from putting ‘ol crazy jumpsuit thief man on a pedestal. Michael Myers is just out of the hospital, and he’s on a killing rampage. He makes eyes at Laurie while she’s walking home with her friends and he decides that she is his target. Shit. Hate when that happens.

Laurie is babysitting, her friends are drinking, hooking up, doing laundry and getting murdered and Laurie isn’t hearing from anybody so she goes to investigate after the kids get put to bed. That’s when the scary stuff goes down. She goes to the house across the street and finds her friends dead and Michael creeps out of the darkness to stab Laurie! But despite every one of his attempts to stab her, she slips away from his grimy clutches. He chases her with a kitchen knife while he breaths so uncomfortably, it’s such a zesty ASMR effect. But for me, doing a burlesque number in that mask, it is really a test in breathing technique to keep it on the whole time. So I stan the beast that walks all night in that get up. (Obviously in a fantastical, romanticized way. I’m not into a real life Michael Myers.)

Much like the Page of Swords, Laurie is young and she is quick witted. Swords are associated with air and thoughts, Michael wields that giant knife through the air and Laurie ducks it every time. Michael serves as a message too that Laurie’s childhood is ending and that her life will have deeper meaning than she ever thought it would have. She is a fighter, a survivor and a defender of tiny trick or treaters. And we also get to see her humanity when she is hiding and she’s trying not to cry from fear. I don’t know if you dear reader have ever been that afraid that you uncontrollably weep, but I have been that scared and I always wondered if Jamie Lee Curtis had experienced that feeling before she acted it out. It was very real. And when we’re that afraid, sometimes our survival skills don’t cooperate with us, but in Laurie’s case they do, because though she is terrified she is still able to think clearly enough to unbend a hanger and stab our villain in the eye so she can escape him again.

She runs back to the house and children she was babysitting and the shape follows her. That’s when after all the dodging, fighting, and eye gouging, Dr. Loomis, Michael’s psychiatrist finally shows up and shoots Michael. He falls down to the ground from the balcony and we assume he dies, but dun dun dun… He’s not! Thus tossing Laurie into a life time of wondering when he will return to finish the job, but she knows that when he does return she’ll be ready.

Though this side of Laurie is new to her, what is not new is her ability and desire to be quick witted and prepared. Much like the Page of Swords, Laurie knows that she is young and that life is something she is curious about and ready to understand how to tackle it. I think that is what we can contribute to her knack for survival, it’s not that she’s a virgin that doesn’t enjoy beer, she just has other priorities. Her friends may be the Page of Swords reversed because they can be a bit pig headed, foolish and sometimes just mean. But they certainly didn’t deserve to get murdered for being normal teenagers. And if you pull a reversed Page of Swords it doesn’t mean that you need to be punished for being short sighted or anxious or whatever impedes your process, it just means you should take a moment and rethink the situation. Make sure you’re seeing all of the angles, and most importantly if you’re going to have a night of sex and beer drinking that you lock your doors and windows so envious weirdos in Captain Kirk masks don’t ruin it.

Writing these past three blogs is really making me crave Halloween and it’s just the first day of Spring. Maybe I just want this year to be over because the horrors are real and the killers don’t have to wear masks, they have funding and cult support. Shit. Let’s all be a little more like Laurie and learn to fight, learn when to run and keep your head on a swivel.

Blessed be, babes.